Suppressed memories
So, I was talking the other day with a friend about gifts from our families when we were little. Specifically, we were talking about our shared experience of the many attempts by our mothers to get us to like the things THEY liked, even though they KNEW WE DIDN’T LIKE THEM.
It went something like this:
“I know you don’t like GOLD jewelry, but I thought you might like THESE [hideous gold earrings].”
“I know you don’t wear MAKEUP, but I thought you might like THIS [massive makeup kit in a mini suitcase with 24 eyeshadows, 5 blushes and 10 lipstick colors].”
Every year, there was at least one gift that followed suit.
And then there was the pantyhose subscription.
When I was younger, my grandmother had a “pantyhose subscription.” Meaning, two pairs of pantyhose would arrive in the mailbox promptly at the end of each month. This was a great, convenient service for my grandmother, since she wore nothing but dresses with pantyhose underneath.
After age 8, I was pretty much horrified by dresses and skirts. I just didn’t feel comfortable in them anymore, and by junior high, pantyhose were akin to a death sentence (occasional tights were another story). So, naturally, since I hadn’t been caught dead in a pair of pantyhose in years, of course my mother arranged for my grandmother to score me one of these hot, hip and highly coveted pantyhose subscriptions. Much to my horror on Christmas morning. And the rest of the year.
Sure enough, every month a small cardboard box would arrive in the mail at the end of the month. And every month, I would open it, sigh, and file away the pantyhose, wrapped in what I can only describe as little maxi pad pouches, in my drawer. By the end of the subscription, half of my drawer was occupied by a small army of pantyhose packages.
I hadn’t thought about this in a long time. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever thought about it since the day that I decided to revolt against the pantyhose occupation happening inside of my drawer, and threw every last pair away. Actually, I think I may have saved a pair of black and a pair of “nude,” you know, just in case.
Oh, pantyhose. How I still resent you for your hold on my drawer space at that time. And though I should be disappointed with my mother for being so clueless, or angry with her for constantly trying to coax me over to the dark side throughout my childhood and even today, it somehow makes me love her even more.
Things I won’t miss about my job
Yes, I am still alive!
Late November through January have been full of life changes, transitions, preparation for the transitions and all that good stuff. Change and I aren’t the greatest of friends. In fact, we just pass each other in the hall now and then, and mostly ignore one another. So, it’s been interesting to say the least. Maybe I could liken it to Change and I got busted and ended up at Breakfast Club together on Saturday and now, after 8 hours of pure hell and self-discovery, I think we might be dating. I’m not totally sure, but we kissed in the broom closet and exchanged earrings, so I think it’s pretty much a go.
So, today is the last day at my current job, and I guess technically, in the words of some great self-help guru out there, it truly is the first day of the rest of my life. As many know, it’s been good, but also many days were an exercise in frustration. I’ve learned a lot, grown as a copywriter, and most importantly, made some awesome, lifelong friends in the process. It’s this part that makes me the most sentimental and makes it the most difficult to move on. So, over the past couple days, I’ve been trying to consciously remind myself of all the ridiculous things that drove me to this point, in an effort to thwart my sentimental side. Here are a few things I will not miss:
1. Spray butter.
I will not miss the sound of spray butter being sprayed on every last handful of popcorn during meetings. I will not miss the sight of spray butter being poured onto giant bowls of microwaved frozen broccoli. I will not miss spray butter being sprayed on every forkful of green beans being eaten straight out of the can. I will not miss this unmistakable schhh scchhh scchhh schhh sound.
2. The copy stylings of those 10 minutes out of college.
I think this might be where LD’s thoughts about Generation Y may come in.
Dear Gen Y coworker, you have approximately 20 minutes of experience in this industry. You are not allowed to tell me that you “like” something, “dislike” something, like the way I did something, or likewise act as my professor or employer. Come back in 15 years and we’ll talk.
3. Sentences that begin with “Do you think…”
Here’s a hint Account person, if I’ve written something and handed it to you, you can pretty much assume I think it’s awesome. And I don’t think you can say it better.
4. The phrase “I’m not comfortable with that.”
Is our work a cheap mattress? Please be more constructive with your feedback.
5. Happy 10 minutes.
How sad is it when someone calls a happy hour and everyone pretty much grabs their beverage and runs back to their desks? Lame.
6. Parking garage man.
Oh parking garage man, you and I have had quite a run. From your inappropriate advances, to the inappropriate inquiries into my weight, to you inappropriately asking me if I am a lesbian, our relationship has always been perfectly and uncomfortably inappropriate. But thanks for not denting the car or slashing my tires.
7. The IT guy.
You know the one. I’ve told you about him. For the sake of some anonymity, I won’t name him here. I know this bunch has the reputation for being surly, but this man takes it to the next level. He pretty much refuses to do anything and fights you to do his job. Fun!
8. Writing about norovirus, fireworks and Federal bank forced conversions.
Barf. Blast. Boring.
9. Being ignored.
The principals of our company are infamous for walking right past you in the hall or remaining silent in the elevator. For a company consisting of only 20 people, that’s downright weird.
10. Random fits of violence.
Yes, I know, advertising can be a stressful world. But does that give you license to scream “FUCK!!!!!!!” at the top of your lungs and clear your desk with the back of your hand? Or chuck a T-square through the wall? Or accidentally on purpose drop your laptop? I think not.
Ok, I am feeling much better. I guess don’t let this fool you. There will be plenty of things and people I will miss. All equally as entertaining. Maybe I’ll save that for the next time I wake up at 4 a.m.
Hope everyone’s doing well! Here’s to a year of personal and professional fulfillment! 
my top ten happy days of 2007
April 12 - the day I re-connected with my old friend Jenny Grogan from high school. We hadn’t seen each other in 16 years and we met up in NY and had a blast. We just picked up right where we had left off!
July 7 - the day my mom helped me fix up my condo (actually it was several days that week). We painted, re-arranged furniture and had a good old time!
Aug. 7 - the night of the the Old Town School’s World’s Largest Music Lesson, held in Welles Park in Chicago. 1337 people all playing “This Land is Your Land” at once! We got into the Guinness Book of World Records!
August 11 - the night Amy Ray sang “I Will Survive” at Michigan, and shook her very fine booty
Sept. 8 - Lakewood/Balmoral Rummage Sale. I had a blast with all my friends and raked in $200!
Sept. 28 - the first night of the Children’s Music Network conference in Albany, meeting a whole bunch of people from around the country that love making music for children!
Sept. 29 - the night I had the most delicious fried chicken dinner with Cat at Hattie’s in Saratoga Springs
Dec. 1 - the night I sang at the Old Town School’s 50th Anniversary concert at the Auditorium Theater
Dec. 10 - the day I found out my cholesterol went down 8 points from last year.
Dec. 14 - the day I found out officially that my job is going to change for the better in 2008, and I’m going to be able to focus on what I’m passionate about.
12 things that annoy the crap out of me
1. co-workers that walk too briskly around the office. Also, co-workers that print out all their emails that you then have to weed through to find the one thing that you printed.
2. really bad midwestern accents….not south-side or Chicago-suburb old lady, Walnut-room-visiting accents…those are cute, but I’m talkin’ really whiny trixie new-mom, new money accents….the kind of mom’s that over-program their children
3. the color scheme at Jewel
4. trying to park between SUVs in Lincoln Park
5. when Hank (my cat) chews on my head in the morning
6. drug stores…..all drug stores…cvs, walgreens, osco, I hate them all. I can’t figure out the way they are organized. I can never find anything quickly. Blinding lights, narrow aisles.
7. toddlers speaking on answering machine outgoing messages
8. people talking too loudly on their cell phone or just too loudly in general
9. ordering a sandwich (usually a bagel) that you ask to be cut in half, and they forget to cut it in half a minute after you tell them. (I can’t tell you how many times this has happened to me at numerous establishments)
10. the intersection of damen/fullerton/elston aves.
11. Mass phone texts
12. Generation Y-ers ….you know, the ones that always expect to be praised for everything? the ones that don’t want to pay their dues? the ones that don’t even know how good they have it? the ones that take things for granted. the ones that make stupid comments at meetings that somehow turn the topic into “look how great I am”
that is all.
The world according to Miranda
Rule number 26 to live by:
“Don’t interact with the cray cray on the el. Especially when he’s singing. To his Discman®.”
Seriously, a sage of our times.