Helloooo?

Anyone out theeeerreee?

I know, I know. I disappeared! I moved! I cruised! I returned!

And now I’ve bought something on the very cleverly named somethingstore.com. For a mere $10, I have the pleasure and satisfaction of having no idea what I have bought. If you love mail and/or surprises, you can’t beat this site.

Can’t wait to see what it is. Buy something and let me know what you get!

Despite the rumors, I am indeed alive and well. Well may be a bit of an exaggeration on account of the ick I’ve had on and off for, oh, about a month now. Unrelated sidenote: Do fish get the ick? Is that the official name of the fish common cold? I seem to remember when I was little my mom telling me that my fish, who was lethargically swimming on its side with ominous looking spots on its skin, had the ick. Is that real or just a sugar-coated mom-term? At any rate, between the ick and this whole moving thing, my ass, it has been kicked.

Among the other super fun things I’ve been doing the past few weeks, one activity that sticks out in my mind is transferring the gas service. Thank god you can do it online now, because as anyone that has dealt with People’s Gas in Chicago can tell you, that shit takes forever. A whole new alternative energy source could be discovered before they take you off hold to tell you they’ve pushed the off/on buttons for your two addresses on their giant Deathstar-like switchboard. At least that’s how I imagine it. Or, if your karma’s not so hot, you’ll get the kiss of death… the bizarre mandatory meter reading appointment, which means you’ll be sitting around an empty, echo-y apartment during a “convenient” 4-hour window, so they can arrive at the 11th hour and silently disappear into the basement with their clipboard for 20 seconds and then head back out again.

As I was filling out the online transfer form, I did discover some very fun possible dwellings in the “Location” drag down menu that I can’t wait to live in one day. Here are just a few of my new future homes I am looking forward to:

Hanger
Pier
Garage Apt
Carriage
Lobby
Lot
Cabin
Cottage
Penthouse
Trailer

Also, in the area where boring old “street” would normally go, there are any number of exotic thoroughfares you could live on:

Annex
Arcade
Bayou
Beach
Bluff
Bridge (so chilly! and expensive to heat!)
Camp
Cove
Course
Dam
Fields
Forge
Freeway
Hollow
Isle
Junction
Knolls
Locks
Neck
Ranch
Stavenue (what is this? the love child of a street and an avenue?)
Who knew Chicago had such a diverse terrain?! Alls I know is that I am moving to an isle or the neck real soon.

Hope everyone is doing well. Wish us luck that we don’t get trapped in the labyrinth of boxes that is our apartment.

http://www.nyfa.org/opp_detail.asp?type=Job&id=94&fid=1&sid=54&oppid=20619

Growing up, my great-aunt Saretta was a buyer for the lingerie department at Bloomingdale’s and we received flowery pajamas and Lanz flannel nighties for every birthday and christmas gift. You know, the nighties that bunch up and twist when you wake up in the morning? And they have that ruffle around the neck? Usually matching ones for my sister and I. I always just wore what my aunt got me, or what my mom picked out, without really thinking, “what do I want to wear to bed?” I’m now taking back the night.

I don’t want my pajamas to match…I usually wear a tank on top. I don’t want frills, lace, satin, ruffles or hot pink. I don’t want flannel. I don’t want the bottoms to be too short. I prefer pockets. Basically, I’m looking for a cotton pair of bottoms. I broke down and bought a pair at Kohl’s last week that were the right material I was looking for, cotton, but are green and say “Mountain Dew” all over them, with the “Dew” in BRIGHT red…the kind of red that is against green and makes your eyes hurt to look at it, the kind that would look 3D if you looked at them with 3D glasses. Can I actually go to bed with one of the most caffinated beverages plastered on my legs??

Please God, send me a plain pair of pajamas…bottoms only please.

Help! I implore you!

Sasquatch, by Kraken Mosaics
I NEED THIS.

This person is incredibly gifted.
God, even their screen name, presumably referencing Clash of the Titans (the best movie ever), is brilliant.

UPDATE: It will be in my longing clutches soon.

In other news, I had Cream of Potato and Dill Pickle soup today for lunch, and it was super tasty.

I’d like to start out by saying that over the years I’ve been listening to Chicago Public Radio, I’ve come to really admire you. At first you were a mystery to me. Who was this woman who slaved away for Chicago Public Radio for 16-17 hours a day? That raspy voice rattling off the traffic at a manic pace whether it be 5:30 a.m. or 6:00 p.m. Didn’t they ever let you leave? I pictured you in a small, dark, dank dungeon-like closet in the basement of Navy Pier, with Lisa Labuz standing over you menacingly, making you recite the delays on the Stevenson, Ike and Edens faster faster FASTER!! And like all good dominatrixes, she’d make you thank her for it afterward… “Thank you, Lisa.”

Well, once I googled you, and I found out that you’re not actually an indentured servent of WBEZ, you’re just a sweet, God-fearin’, bracelet-makin’ traffic girl, who ironically enough prefers to bike everywhere, does a split shift day, and indeed enjoys more time out in the fresh air and sunshine than this corporate monkey.

Anyway, Abby, I am writing this letter to say that I feel just awful. I didn’t mean to call you all those terrible names while I was on the highway yesterday morning. I mean, I know that traffic is a wild, untamed beast that pounces and retreats at will. It’s not your fault you said 23 minutes to Lake Cook Rd., and it actually took like 45. I’m sorry I overreacted. I shouldn’t have called you a liar, or doubted your abilities and done the unspeakable… AM RADIO. I was just in a bit of a state, and it will never happen again. I am so, so sorry.

Your faithful servant,

Collene