Theeese are the people in my neighborhood:
I have not witnessed this in person yet, but I’m fairly certain a gorgon lives here. Obviously this poor child was unable to use the reflecting pond in time.
and in the same yard:
thats a cross.
in the yard.
with carrots.
and bunny asses.
to the left are 2 gorgoned children unfortunate enough to have been lured in by the freakshow.
this is warning enough for us. we were very nearly trapped by the inhabitants of this hellish domain last summer with the promise of a yard sale. TT immediately sensed trouble when she approached one of the sellers with a question and was ignored with a stoney celine-dion-and-kenny-g-lovin-one-step-closer-and-I-will-eat-your-flesh stare. We backed down the driveway very slowly, never taking our eyes off the demons in the lawnchairs.
We didn’t need that stupid TV anyway.
Thrill in the Grill
Current Mood: 
Surprised
I went to the dentist for 2.5 hours yesterday, and today i sit here with a plastic toof top! Its a temporary arrangement. We too shall be parting ways in a few weeks to make room forrrrr….A GOLD TOOF.
: |
I’m about to bling my mouth.
Now don’t worry. We aren’t talking the Kelis touch here.
It’ll only be one. In the very back.
The reason for all of this oral hype is a freak almond accident (unrelated to my last post) a few weeks back. My sister was in town, we were all hanging out & eating deenore. I was chewing my last bite of salad, doing the happy food chair dance, when part of my back tooth suddenly sheared off! Needless to say, I was freaked the fuck out. I had many horror-struck flashes of forging a life in Chico as a broken-toothed hillbilly. I’m attributing this stomach-turning event to the fact that I have hidden from the dental community for about 10 yrs. Luckily, I possess Teef of Steel. Superteef. Stupid sneaky almonds, however, have proven to be their kryptonite.
I’m glad that I’ve waited so long to go to the dentist. I’m sure its a much less traumatic experience now than it was even 5 yrs ago. I was constantly OOOOing and AHHHHing over the new-fangled technology. (It became readily apparent that I had just unfrozen from my cryogenic dental sleep into the 21st century) It wasn’t nearly as scary an experience as I anticipated. My tagline on my dentist’s card reads “Gentle Dentistry”. How can one be afraid of that? How about that fancy numbing tab that they make you suck on for a minute or so? That is some cool shit. (Although it did leave me feeling like I had downed a couple of white crosses for a few minutes. After that it was smoooooth sailing.) I braved the drills, and flying tooth dust and the sharp picking implements and the long sucking devices - no sweat. What I DIDN’T expeck was THE STENCH.
HOLY.
SHIT.
I sincerely hope that this is the Standard Tooth Dust Scent. (STDs). Glade could make a killing with this in their repellent aromas lineup. It was the ultimate scratch-n-sniff.
I immediately adopted the technique of holding my breath -at all costs- until there was a break in all odor-reflecting devices in front of my breathing holes. I am thankful for their sakes that they were wearing masks. So, after 2 hrs of “zzttt..zzzzzzzztt…zzzz…zzzz…” and breathing like a porpoise, VOILA! - plastic toof cap. My bottom lip and jaw stayed numb for an hour or so afterward. I was fearful of applying chapstick to my cheek or consuming any liquids without abundant absorbent materials. Twas like being a foster face for some stranger’s lips.
Anywho, my dentist ROCKS. If one ever needs a dental reference in Chico, I know your man.
I go back in a few weeks for the permanent GOLD replacement. I am currently taking design suggestions.
UPDATE: KPON TOOF SUBMISSIONS
incoming!
Current Mood: 
Confused
ehlo.
Kittyteef here reporting from the small town of Chico, CA
pop. 100,000
home of the muffin top.
Its been aboot 9 months since we packed up the beasties and left Chicago for the wild wild west. Living in a place 1/100 the size of where I’m used to has been a bit of an adjustment. First there was the inital shock of random strangers actually trying to talk to us. (The girl at the drive-up coffee shop window (Chicago NEEDS these!!) is very excited because she just moved into a new apartment sans her last roommate who, it turns out, was a total A-hole. Go figure.) We had one very unsettling day when 3 or 4 people waved at us for no reason. We drove faster.
Things I do for fun here:
shape my toenails
mow the lawn
scratch my head
There is a rumor of a mechanical bull in one the local bars, but its going to require several cheap beers + a minimum of 3 accompanying chicago peeps to confirm this. Get your plane tickets quick! We have an actual back yard that has already seen some serious badminton tournaments. (Stacy - you still owe us a racket! we will collect. : | )
This is the source of 11 stitches on my heel. (Now affectionately referred to as ‘Guppie’)
I am currently a cog in the machinery of the world of academia (henceforth to be referred to as Acronymia). My acronymic lexicon has expanded on an exponential level over the course of my employment. My temptation to insert a WTF or a STFU into a memo or report is a daily struggle.
ATTN: 7th Level of Bureaucratic Hell - Prof.Klippity Klop assures me that the RTF’s GA has a COP in THMA for NAASPA approval. WTF do you want done about it? Over.
Its a strange & odd bidnith. (SOB)
That is all.
Kittyteef out.
