An open letter to Abby Ryan
Dear Abby,
I’d like to start out by saying that over the years I’ve been listening to Chicago Public Radio, I’ve come to really admire you. At first you were a mystery to me. Who was this woman who slaved away for Chicago Public Radio for 16-17 hours a day? That raspy voice rattling off the traffic at a manic pace whether it be 5:30 a.m. or 6:00 p.m. Didn’t they ever let you leave? I pictured you in a small, dark, dank dungeon-like closet in the basement of Navy Pier, with Lisa Labuz standing over you menacingly, making you recite the delays on the Stevenson, Ike and Edens faster faster FASTER!! And like all good dominatrixes, she’d make you thank her for it afterward… “Thank you, Lisa.”
Well, once I googled you, and I found out that you’re not actually an indentured servent of WBEZ, you’re just a sweet, God-fearin’, bracelet-makin’ traffic girl, who ironically enough prefers to bike everywhere, does a split shift day, and indeed enjoys more time out in the fresh air and sunshine than this corporate monkey.
Anyway, Abby, I am writing this letter to say that I feel just awful. I didn’t mean to call you all those terrible names while I was on the highway yesterday morning. I mean, I know that traffic is a wild, untamed beast that pounces and retreats at will. It’s not your fault you said 23 minutes to Lake Cook Rd., and it actually took like 45. I’m sorry I overreacted. I shouldn’t have called you a liar, or doubted your abilities and done the unspeakable… AM RADIO. I was just in a bit of a state, and it will never happen again. I am so, so sorry.
Your faithful servant,
Collene
2 Comments
- anne replied:
Does this mean you’ve forsaken the metra and it’s cool double decker seats?
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:30 am. Permalink.
- Miranda replied:
Why can’t there be a CTA rush hour report that’s actually helpful? I don’t need to know so much whether the train is late, as I do whether the train car smells like ass…
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:47 am. Permalink.
