ILA

I love acronyms. They allow us to say so much in so little time. Obviously, we’ve all grown up with a fair number of acronyms—the FBI, CIA, TGIF and the like—but my true love affair with acronyms began when I was thrown head first into the world of corporate acronymese. EOD, COB, PITA, ROI. The list goes on and on. I know Kittyteef came up with the brilliant term “acrodemia” (or something very close to this) to describe her experience of breaking the code of cap initials that seems to rule academic culture. And omg, don’t even get me started on how the IM craze is only adding fuel to my fire. I feel like I learn a new acronym every day used by those crazy kids these days. LOL. No, make that LOLCI.

In fact, I learned a new acronym just tonight. But not from our ADD-riddled youth. I learned my new favorite acronym from Kathy Griffin’s show, My Life on the D-List. Tonight, she went to perform her comedy act at a prison. And in order to pad her act with jokes the inmates could relate to, she asked a few of the women for some common lingo they use in the joint. I had no idea the joint too relies on so many acronyms! There was ROY, which I can’t even tell you what that stands for. WHY? Because I was so tickled by the next acronym they revealed to Kathy. LURD.

LURD.

What do you suppose LURD stands for?!

Well, I can tell you this: It is a perfect marriage between acronyms and another favorite passtime, female prison lore! Who is not or has not at one time in their lives been obsessed with female prison movies and shows?! One reason I love them is because each one follows the same predictable formula chock full of lesbian overtones and plenty of stereotypical characters. You have the calm, cool, but corrupt lady warden, who is always doing her best to make sure none of the inmates sees the light of day. Then you have the new girl— a wide-eyed, clueless innocent who took the rap for a crime her boyfriend committed. And no female prison movie would be complete without the tough, predatory lesbian character, ala Wendy O. Williams, who threatens to deflower any and all fresh meat and induct them into her orange-clad harem. It’s so bad, and it’s so good. And according to Kathy Griffin’s show this evening, it turns out it may not be so far from the truth.

Why? Because LURD stands for Lesbian Until Release Date. Genius! What was truly funny was what an accepted, desirable way of life LURD-ism was. They laughed when they told her. Kathy even offered to let them have their way with her assistant Tom, and they said they’d prefer her two female assistants. You know, because they’re LURDs!! Which begs the question, is the term LARD then used for those who plan to be Lesbian After Release Date? Or LORDs, Lesbians On Release Date? You know, for those women that originally took a pass on the girl-on-girl action, but then decided they don’t want to regret missing out on the experience, so they give it the old college try in the supply closet moments before freedom?

THESE are the questions that keep me up at night. Hopefully now I can sleep.

BRB

July 10, 2007. Uncategorized. 8 Comments.

8 Comments

  1. jessica replied:

    i LOL so many times that you could say the i was LMAO. LARD and LORD, FTW.

    July 11th, 2007 at 8:36 am. Permalink.

  2. Miranda replied:

    The incarcerated ladies are DFW.

    July 11th, 2007 at 10:16 am. Permalink.

  3. Anne replied:

    Ok this was my favorite Wordsmifs post ever.

    Wendy O Williams! WTHHTHC?

    (That would be What The Hell Happened To Her Career?)

    July 12th, 2007 at 10:03 am. Permalink.

  4. betsy replied:

    RIP. Hate to tell you but Wendy O. is no longer with us. I did see her perform at the Exit once.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wendy_O._Williams

    July 12th, 2007 at 12:23 pm. Permalink.

  5. collene replied:

    Gotta love a woman with albums called “Maggots” and “Put Your Love In Me: Love Songs For The Apocalypse.”

    July 12th, 2007 at 2:59 pm. Permalink.

  6. Rozanne replied:

    ROTFLMAO (Did I get that right?)

    Anyway, I love this post. Very cleverly written.

    Did you ever see Prisoner Cell Block H? It was some Australian TV show that was way, way, way in reruns and for some reason was being shown on the lame-ass cable station when I was in college.

    Anyway.

    Are we to assume, then, that Paris Hilton had a LURD interlude (interLURD?)?

    July 12th, 2007 at 5:48 pm. Permalink.

  7. Collene replied:

    hahahhaa! InterLURD. PERFECT. And I mean that in the word sense, not an acronym. Yes! Prisoner Cell Block H is one of the shows that truly helped me become the person I am today.

    July 12th, 2007 at 9:50 pm. Permalink.

  8. tamara replied:

    collene, you have TRULY outdone yourself on this post! i would be LSFL (laughing SO F’ing LOUD) if my girl wasn’t sleeping at this moment!

    July 16th, 2007 at 3:51 pm. Permalink.

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