Heat-inspired Hatorade

Summer sucks.

Heat sucks.

Sweating sucks.

Humidity just adds insult to injury.

Not being able to exert the smallest amount of energy, like bending your pinky, without feeling faint sucks.

Watching your poor kitties slump to the floor in a limp, comatose pool of fur sucks. I ask you Mayor Daley, where are the kitty cooling centers?

Not being able to make a toast or boil an egg without the kitchen transforming into an oven sucks.

Not being able to enjoy an iced drink before it becomes a disgusting watered down drink sucks.

Not being able to remove your clothing due to heat-related stickiness sucks. And is possibly dangerous, depending on bladder status.

Having reason to spend great amounts of time in a darkened theater rocks.

Having an excuse to not clean the house sort of rocks. But in the end, the house will reach new astronomical levels of filth, which will suck when cleaning resumes.

In the end, I guess I am just a fair-weather friend. Weather extremes are total b.s. My aversion to heat over 80 degrees, high tolerance for rain, an inexplicable love of herd animals and an irrational fear of the state of Florida are the exact reasons I believe my past lives have been spent in temperate climates, where everything is green and lush all year round. The Pacific Northwest? Ireland? Scotland? Ah, my people. But I digress. I guess I am just trying to get my aggressions out before I leave this meat locker called work and go directly into the frying pan of Midwestern humanity. I believe Kate suggested a very zen-like approach, that one should try to become one with the heat. I say I become one with the Mr. Freeze pops in our freezer and call it a day. In fact, today I caught myself thinking of a new business venture… Kitty Popsicles! Pawsicles! Refreshing Pawsicles in Tuna, Chicken and Salmon flavors provide crucial hydration and pure kitty enjoyment. Why don’t they exist already?! I’m a genius! I guess maybe the heat has produced one good thing today. Hmm. That’s a firm maybe.

Update: It’s 11:30 and the wordsmifs handy dandy weather tracker says it’s still 89° in Chicago. Why the weather hate me?

July 31, 2006. Uncategorized. 10 Comments.

10 Comments

  1. Anne replied:

    What a pawsitively fabulous idea.

    Screw the Pacific Northwest, though. I’m thinking MAINE.

    July 31st, 2006 at 9:32 pm. Permalink.

  2. Collene replied:

    Much to Miranda’s dismay, Pawsicle testing shall begin soon.

    And yes, Maine works for me, too!

    July 31st, 2006 at 10:29 pm. Permalink.

  3. kp replied:

    man oh man…edgewater is experiencing rolling brown-outs as we speak! the power went out this morning as i was shaving my legs. total darkness in my windowless bathroom. that’s what i get for “making pretty”. let’s shave the cats bellies. that’ll cool em off!

    August 1st, 2006 at 8:50 am. Permalink.

  4. Collene replied:

    Were you using your Epilady?!

    August 1st, 2006 at 9:41 am. Permalink.

  5. kp replied:

    no. i was using my SCHICK MACH IV ultra dude razor with 14 angled blades and testosterone dispenser…

    August 1st, 2006 at 9:44 am. Permalink.

  6. Miranda replied:

    Do your legs feel extra manly now?

    August 1st, 2006 at 9:48 am. Permalink.

  7. Michael replied:

    I would like to be a part of the pawsicle focus group.

    August 1st, 2006 at 9:59 am. Permalink.

  8. Collene replied:

    Excellent, Michael! We’ll blindfold you, Boutros, Twombly and Georgia and see if you can identify which Pawsicle is which based on taste and texture alone. Can’t have biased research!

    August 1st, 2006 at 12:50 pm. Permalink.

  9. Kittyteef replied:

    whats the Pawsicle update??
    are you ready to commence marketing?

    August 8th, 2006 at 9:31 am. Permalink.

  10. Collene replied:

    man! i haven’t tried yet. i will get right on that, pronto!

    August 8th, 2006 at 12:08 pm. Permalink.

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