Disgust is disgust in any language

Our restroom here at work is looked after by a sweet seeming Polish woman who is part of the Polish Posse employed by our building.

That wouldn’t be a problem except for the fact that her cleaning and my bladder’s schedules seem to have been synched by some cosmic give and take/cause and effect force, and she is therefore almost always there when I enter. We are usually alone. She is also frighteningly hostile.

Of course, I have nothing verbal by which to substantiate this claim. Only a series of gutteral groans and sharp, disgust filled “ish” and “uugghh” type noises whose origins I can only imagine spew forth from a geyser of hatred for all toilet using kind. I mean, I guess I can’t blame her. I can only imagine how horrifying some of the bathrooms in this building are. I can barely muster up the courage to clean my own toilet, so I can meet her disdain for her job with a certain amount of compassion.

But for reals lady, do you gotta be so violent? Our bathroom isn’t so bad. I’ve seen a lot worse. That toilet seat’s going to break if you slam it down any harder! And is it really necessary to immediately charge into the stall I have just exited and start maniacally and LIBERALLY spraying disinfectant on the seat? Should I be offended by this action? I swear, I only peed!

I confessed my nemesishood with the bathroom cleaning lady to my coworker today, and she thought she was alone in her struggles with this washroom showdown. The really perplexing thing is, if I am always in the bathroom with the cleaning lady but NOT with my coworker, and my coworker is always being aerosolily harrassed by the cleaning lady while I’m not in there, is the cleaning lady a disgruntled, omnipresent cleaning lady ghost who is trapped in some sort of limbo for eternity and thus gets her jollies by haunting our bathroom and chasing us innocent bladder relievers out with life-threatening door slams and seat abuse?

Regardless, she actually said hello to us on the way to lunch today, so if she is a ghost, she’s an interactive one. But it shocks me that one can be so sweet and lovely in the halls, and yet turn into a menace to society once that bathroom door opens.

There is one further mystery lurking over our bathroom.

Scenario:

Couple of weeks ago. Mid-afternoon.

First stall.

Toilet seat up.

Pee in the unflushed toilet.

No toilet paper in bowl.

Pubic hair floating in bowl.

Hmm.

Is there a man amongst us? M2F? F2M? Extremely talented female peer who left behind her calling card? We may never know.

May 15, 2006. Uncategorized. 7 Comments.

7 Comments

  1. Carol replied:

    Is it possible that there is a Polish man amongst the Polish posse who left his Polish pee in the toilet? This theory makes no sense given the mid-afternoon time frame, however.

    May 15th, 2006 at 8:37 am. Permalink.

  2. Anne replied:

    I think we might be ignoring the obvious here. That Polish cleaning lady? Might not be no Polish cleaning lady, if ya know whadda mean. Which accounts for the hostility, Men’s and Women’s Toilets being ground zero for the gender confused and/or oppressed.

    May 15th, 2006 at 11:09 am. Permalink.

  3. Michael replied:

    Perhaps leaving her a gift in the stall might make her less hostile. Who doesn’t appreciate a nice box of chocolates or bouquet of tulips left on the toilet seat?

    May 15th, 2006 at 11:13 am. Permalink.

  4. karen replied:

    this will hopefully be the first and last time i actually write the words “pubic hair”. the visual has been burned my my brain for all eternity. i don’t like it. not one bit.

    May 15th, 2006 at 2:41 pm. Permalink.

  5. Collene replied:

    yes, i thought about the polish cleaning man angle. or even a pervman looking for the thrill of sneaking a pee in the women’s washroom without getting caught. our bathroom is a hotbed of strange activity anyway. lots of tears, lots of lies, lots of gossip. in fact, last week i went in to a woman sitting in a stall talking on her cell phone, only to have her yell defensively to the person on the other end of the line, “NO I AM NOT IN THE BATHROOM.” it’s ok to lie, if you’re a liar…

    May 15th, 2006 at 5:44 pm. Permalink.

  6. Miranda replied:

    That would have been the perfect time to flush.

    May 16th, 2006 at 7:13 am. Permalink.

  7. tamara replied:

    haha! yes, a flush would have quite perfect. next time, caw, next time.

    May 16th, 2006 at 9:38 am. Permalink.

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