Virgo impostor
Ok, so I have been freaking out a little bit the past couple days.
I am sure everyone has heard by now that Charlie Sheen is a total f’ing psycho.
So, that’s all well and good, except for the teensy weensy fact that he just so happens to SHARE MY BIRTHDAY.
Of all the washed up, B-rate celebrities on earth to share my birthday, it had to be this cretin. And the fact that his two stand-out roles were in the 80s and required less than a total of 20 minutes of screen time just adds insult to injury. I have to admit, his portrayal of a drugged-out lowlife in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off was poignant. Who knew he was playing himself?
It just doesn’t add up. Virgos are nice people. Some of the people I love most in the world are Virgos. I think we were created by the universe to serve the universe. Much like Vicky the Robot Girl. Was she a Virgo?
Use me, carbon based unit.
Now granted, my belief in all things astrological tends to ebb and flow, depending pretty much on whether I like what I read. All I know is, astrologers definitely seem to hold a grudge against us poor, innocent, doe-eyed virgins. Case in point: every portrait of a “typical” Virgo always revolves around working and cleaning. According to these people, we do nor enjoy anything else. We are generally depicted as neurotic, eagle-eyed neat-freaks who spend Saturday night alphabetizing our sock drawers and run around picking molecules off of our loved ones’ sweaters. Trust me, I am not remotely like this. My roller tape bills may triple the average person, but I made peace with the “mess happens” mentality years ago, otherwise I would have cracked.
But I digress. WHY? Why is Charlie out there giving us Sept. 3rd people a bad name? (shameless birthday plug) I mean, is life so bad? Our birthday either falls on or near the Labor Day holiday, so at least we get a day off to play. Is there residual sibling rivalry dating back to the 80s? Are you bitter that Emilio landed a role in Breakfast Club, arguably the definitive 80s teen movie and best film (possibly sharing the title with Pretty in Pink, of course) in the John Hughes Empire of Teenage Misery and Despair, Ltd., and not you? You instead played Cappie in the bittersweet coming of age story, Lucas. Not a bad movie, but I can certainly understand how any time spent with Corey Haim, aka Lukaplakia, would prompt psychological distress later in life.
Ok, so digression seems to be par for the course today.
As I sit here wanting to destroy every last one of my co-workers, can anyone assure me there isn’t a Charlie Sheen lurking inside of me? Is it my destiny to end every sentence with “fuck you?”
In order to hopefully thwart my Virgo fate, I have decided I now only believe in the Chinese zodiac where I am hopefully safe. My birth year is 1971, Year of the Pig or Boar. Is there a Year of the Asshole?
6 Comments
- kittyteef replied:
CS isn’t the only one playing sociopath. The radio tells me that Denise Richards done hooked up with her neighbor’s man already. That would be Ritchie Sambora. Soon-to-be-ex of Heather Locklear.
Couldnt they all just put their keys in a bowl and do the psycho-swing? I’m sure theres a reality show somewhere in this. Or AT LEAST 4 episodes of THS. Not to mention new Cribs spinoffs.April 27th, 2006 at 1:24 pm. Permalink.
- karen replied:
i’m a “saggimalarian” who likes to put her keys in a bowl AND pick molecules off my loved one’s sweaters…BTW, what did sheen do?
April 27th, 2006 at 2:23 pm. Permalink.
- Anne replied:
We should digress (which we NEVER do in these comments, so that would be fun) into a conversation about key sharing and compulsive cleaning.
I share my birthday with Madonna. And Elvis Presley died on the toilet on my birthday. Make of that what you will.
April 28th, 2006 at 9:54 am. Permalink.
- tamara replied:
hmmm….i share mine with Rob Lowe (ex-porno boy, who now i actually like), nat king cole, and patrick duffy (uhhh….can you say ‘who’?) why was he ever allowed to act? (sheen is actually a better choice)
April 28th, 2006 at 10:32 am. Permalink.
- Collene replied:
Well, I guess in all fairness to myself, I also share a birthday with Louis Sullivan, which at least makes sense considering the infamous virgo practicality and the “form follows function” idea.
Also, having an eye for detail, I have not missed your key sharing and compulsive cleaning digression request, Anne!
Key sharing is ok, but the bowl must be pretty.
Compulsive cleaning made me a compulsive, crabby human in the past, so now my home tends to follow a somewhat orderly chaos. I tend to be a personality of extremes, so I pretty much have to have it all or nothing. I think Miranda has once or twice witnessed the all-cleaning me, and it’s not a good thing. These days, to have a good relationship with hardcore cleaning, two things help: a partner in crime and alcohol. KP and I make good cleaning partners.
April 28th, 2006 at 11:05 am. Permalink.
- cockun replied:
im a lazy fatass who doesnt clean so i dont believe in that virgo crap:)
September 20th, 2006 at 7:33 pm. Permalink.
